Four Habits of Happy People
Aug 18, 2022
What’s getting in the way of living your best life?
I know you know this: it could be you. Your daily habits of thought and behavior may be causing you to feel stuck, unhappy, or unfulfilled. That doesn’t sound good.
How do you want to feel? When I ask this question, the answer is usually “I want to feel HAPPY!” We each have our definition of happy. It usually includes the good stuff like enjoyment, service, self-care, making a meaningful difference in the world, being a good friend, and being a good family member. It’s the culmination of a life well-lived.
What are four habits of happy people?
1. Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is an evidence-based practice for greater resilience and happiness. Play around with offering yourself friendliness and kindness. Self-compassion is also a lovely antidote to shame and feelings of unworthiness. You get to treat yourself with the same friendliness and kindness that you would a good friend.
2. Quiet Your Habitual Unhelpful Thoughts
Your inner dialogue shapes your experience of life. Through repetition, develop the habit of objective thoughts or even positive thoughts to replace those inner saboteurs. Begin to question the believability of those habitual unhelpful thoughts. Breathing helps. I like to call these negative inner thoughts inner saboteurs. Once you begin to clear out these low-level thoughts, you can open yourself up to the awareness that life is good. Notice that at this point in your life, self-loathing is optional. Rewire your brain toward something more helpful. Come up with something objectively true or even positive that you can tell yourself when you notice your inner-saboteur acting up.
3. Cultivate Friendships
Self-reported happiness scores correlate with the quality of your relationships, especially later in life. If you are like me, it’s tough when you are working and raising a family to stay in touch with friends from the various chapters of your life. Yet, the research shows that the quality of your friendships, especially later in life, directly correlates to your self-reported happiness scores. This one is worth your time. Figure out which friends-for-life you want to bring forward and find mutually beneficial ways to cultivate these meaningful friendships. This one may require some bravery. This one may need some experimentation, and it may not always work. The more you can be in this present moment and notice what’s essential about friends you want to bring forward into the decades to come, the more success you will have. What will you do to cultivate your deep and meaningful friendships over time?
4. Choose Joy
Joy is an inward state. Joy is always available. Yet, it can be easy to forget. Find ways to connect with your joy every day. This could be something silly that helps you connect with your physical self, like a dance party. This could be something spiritual. It could even just be as simple as a daily gratitude practice. Joy gets to remind you that you’re human, connected to others and that all things are possible. “I’ll be happy when…” is a setup. You get to choose joy in this moment.
There is a wonderful book by His Holiness the Dalia Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu called The Book of Joy. In the book, they reference feeling states associated with joy: pleasure, amusement, contentment, excitement, relief, wonder, bliss, exultation, radiant pride, elevation, gratitude, etc. Get curious how to tap into your inner joy through these associated feeling states.
How will you find ways to cultivate joy every day?
